JoustBy: Sir Noah Dolinko
England - Sir Lancelot of the Lake has just partaken in our annual Jousting competition to see who the most powerful knight of the round table is. The competition was a giant success and Sir Lancelot won the competition. However, there were valiant efforts by all of the Knights of the Round Table. The competition started with all of the knights fighting in separate arenas. Sir Lancelot had then arrived and quickly won many battles. As the day had continued, Sir Lancelot had won many more battles. The day continued and there were eight knights left in the competition. Of the eight Knights left, Sir Lancelot was among them and he was ready for a victory. One Knight exclaims that Sir Lancelot had not even broken a sweat all day. Lancelot won his next two battles which means he is in the final round. However, Sir Lancelot had an extremely difficult time defeating this one knight. That knight was unknown to all and was an extremely skilled Jouster. Sir Lancelot and said Knight had fought for many rounds until both of them were violently thrown off their horses. Immediately, Lancelot had drawn his sword for he had expected another easy victory and was becoming very annoyed. Almost an hour passed, and most people had gone home but the lucky few who stayed were witnessing a battle of the ages. There was blood everywhere and soon it would become dark and one of the Knights must win. Then, Sir Lancelot struck the Knight with such force that his helmet fell off and Sir Lancelot had pinned down the knight and he had been deemed victorious. The identity of his opponent was revealed to Lancelot. He was extremely surprised when King Arthur was the Knight that he had been fighting. He immediately helped his friend up and applauded for his valor. Ask Alucard:
The Exclusive Combat Advice Column
Dear Alucard, Sorry to bother you, but I’m having a bit of trouble. I seem to be on a never ending losing streak in tournaments. My worst event is probably sword fighting. I’m told that I’m agile enough in practice bouts, but whenever it comes to the real tournaments, I get nervous and freeze up. Sometimes, my body’s relaxed, but I’m unable to figure out where to strike and when. Can you give me some pointers, please? Sincerely, Anon E. Mis Dear Reader, First of all, you seem like to be the type of fighter that is unsuitable for prolonged periods of blows, so my first suggestion to you is to focus on dodging practice. Once you have that down, focus on stamina practice and running sprints in light armor. Switching to light armor is the best strategy for you, since this strategy revolves around darting in and out and striking in between your opponent’s blows. If you have enough stamina, you should be able to wear your opponent down and finally strike a finishing blow. Hypothetically, this should work, but I have faith in you, young padawan. Sincerely, Alucard Nocturnus Dear Alucard, This may be a little odd, I’m a professional knight, but I am unable to joust properly. I’m pretty sure that I’m doing everything correctly; my grip on the lance is right, I’m seated correctly, and my shield is always positioned correctly. Are you able to figure out what I may be doing wrong? Thanks a lot, Sir Nameless XVIII Dear Reader, The problem may not lie within the small things, but the collection of all the things together. If you mistime anything, like tensing too early before the impact of the lance on your shield, you may be thrown off balance. The only real way to perfect your technique is to practice, over and over and over. You must time everything correctly, and if you can master it at a really high level, you may be able to unseat your opponent. Try it out! Sincerely, Alucard Nocturnus |
Deadly Carelessness
Jousting has been a popular sport among the knights and nobles, but most people don’t pay close attention to the rules, specifically the seemingly inconsequential armor specifications. Having unsafe armor creates a dangerous environment for the participants, so knights should always remember to follow those requirements.
One of those rules requires armor to not have any hole through which a one and one half inch dowel can fit. Many knights ignore this rule because it would be too expensive to purchase a new suit of armor. Also, a replacement part may be cheap enough, but most knights prefer to have one solid suit, because the styles of two different armor smiths may not match, which makes the knight look tacky. As everyone knows, knights hate to look bad, whether or not there is an audience. But, one hole could be a fatal mistake. Just last week, a dear friend of mine, Sir Lio of Swaziland, came to a tournament to joust. Sir Lio was a very promising knight, and his skill was well known. He was a newlywed, married to Lady Cherrapunji of Djibouti one and a half moons ago. His fatal flaw, though, was his taste in fancy armor. The one particular suit that he decided to wear to that tournament had ornate designs and engravings. One such hole was one inch and three fourths large. I’m not sure what my friend did, but karma sure had it in for him that day. Sir Lio took a lance straight through the hole in his armor, and it punctured his gut. He was carried off the tournament grounds on horseback, his tear eyed wife running after him. Fortunately, he was a- pardon any offensive language- quite pudgy man, and the lance tip did not puncture any of his vital organs. Another such rule that has been flaunted quite often is the armor thickness requirement. Some more conservative knights, so to speak, purchase suits of armor that are much too thin and flimsy, but are cheap. These knights usually end up wounded because lances can easily puncture the armor, and can then rupture an internal organ, which will eventually lead to death. B3 III
By: Alucard
In the third annual Bloody Blade Battlefront (B3) tournament, several knights showed prowess and skill, and enough of said traits to catch several nobles’ eyes. One such knight was the famed Sir Gilford of Brittania of the A Block of the tournament, who created quite an uproar when he claimed that he could challenge, and win against, all the knights of the tournament at once in a duel. Outraged, the other knights accepted the challenge, but were quickly dispatched by Gilford’s swift blade. Of C Block, there was another such knight, the renowned Sir Siegfried of Verdetto. Siegfried was, and is, a quite self righteous man, who always claimed to have His will on his side. His opponents were unsure of whether or not this was a fact; they were quickly dispatched in their moments of hesitation. Hailing from the noble land of Tethe’alla, Sir Regal Bryant from B Block smashed through his enemies’ defenses with sheer force, and any attack that managed to reach him had no effect. Many of his later opponents were scared witless by the number of injuries he caused, and hastily withdrew from the tournament. These three powerhouses met with a resounding roar in the final round of the tournament, along with the champions of D Block and E Block, Sir Alessandro the Wily and Sir Rutherford, who is known as the Child of the Blade. In a fierce clash of wills, both Sirs Alessandro and Siegfried were dispatched within the first half-minute of the round by the crushing blows of Sir Regal Bryant. Witnesses said to have heard Sir Siegfried muttering, “No... It is God’s will for me to win... I can’t have lost...” as he was carried off the field. In an instant, Bryant, too, was soon taken down by the combined might of Sirs Gilford and Rutherford. The two remaining contestants had circled each other, weary and wary. In a flash, they clashed. The few blows that were exchanged were intense, but seemed, to the onlookers, to be gauging the strength of the other fighter rather than trying to fell him. After the fifteenth exchange, Sir Gilford stood up and said doggedly, “I must concede victory to you, fair knight, for you are much more skillful than I. I hereby forfeit this match, and declare Sir Rutherford, the Child of the Blade, the victor of this tournament.” As soon as he finished, he collapsed, and the crowd broke into a deafening roar of cheers and jeers. Sir Gilford was carried off the field on a horse, broken and bloodied. One week later, he died. It was revealed soon after the tournament that Gilford had come down with a minor case of the Black Death, but his participation in the tournament worsened his health to the point of no return. The rumors that followed this most esteemed knight’s death spoke of Sir Rutherford, and that he was supposedly a witch and spread sickness to Sir Gilford. Most of the rumors died down, however, after the funeral passed. No one mourned Sir Gilford’s death more than his ex-rival, Rutherford. |
Archery
By: Sir Noah Dolinko
England- This past weekend, there was the annual archery tournament and everyone was set to compete. No matter how big or how small, no matter how talented or how skillful. We are all required to compete. It is for protection that everyone is required to learn how to use a bow and arrow, but this tournament shows who has been practicing. This tournament would have gone off without a hitch, although, there was an injury. Despite all efforts by, the young squire was laid to rest the following day. The competition was going as planned and nothing had gone wrong. Until one archer came up to shoot. His first arrow hit the outside ring of the target, his second grounded to a halt below the target. However, his last arrow had ricochet off the outer metal and flung off into the right. The arrow stroke the young squire in the chest, and immediately fell down. The tournament was instantly halted and everyone rushed to the boy and attempted to help him. the people rushed him inside the house of the doctor. In the attempts to remove the arrow, the boy’s heart had stopped due to blood loss. His last words were “goodbye father,” referring to his dad standing above him holding his hand. It was supposedly an accident but that hasn't stopped anybody from taking matters into their own hands. He has been brought into the castle in efforts to save his life until he can stand trial for murder. He was found guilty and burned to a steak. we all grieve for the young boy’s family who lost this child. Movie Reviews
By: Alucard
Tennessee Smith and the First Crusade Plot Summary- Tennessee Smith is a young knight in training when he is sent along with an army on the First Crusade. His patrol is ambushed by muslims who do not want the crusaders to reach the holy city of Jerusalem, and everyone is killed except him. Tennessee is taken prisoner, and during his captivity learns of a plot to plunge England into darkness. Will Tennessee’s wits be enough to save all of England? 3 ½ Stars “The acting is, quite frankly, terrible. However, the sheer violence and brutality of the movie is enchanting in its own way. This movie is definitely not a family movie.” Meaningless Plot Summary- The protagonist is a nameless orphaned peasant who lives by stealing and foraging. One day, he is taken in by a kind elderly couple who decide to raise him. Unfortunately, a group of marauding knights roaming around kill them while he is away, and they reduce his life to obscurity and meaninglessness again. 4 Stars “This is a perfect movie to teach your children how brutal the world is. No one can stay happy forever, so they might as well learn that early on.” Business report
By: Sir Noah Dolinko This year has been good to all farmers because of the good amounts of rain stabilizing their crops. Most farmers have been able to gain enough money to last the winter already and the harvest hasn't arrived yet. Studies show that corn has gone up in value by 120%, and peas are worth almost double at 187% more. Also, beats are in season right now so head down to your local food market and buy some now. Livestock is also gaining revenue, sales of meat has skyrocketed and continues to do so. Chickens, expect to be paying up to double for chickens because they are is a shortage of chicken due to a plague. Although expect lower prices on all pig meat because of the rising population of pigs. More pig is easier to come by anywhere you go. Sheep fleeces are denser and are selling for more; after the winter, sheep fleece has grown much. If there is anytime to buy fleece then the time is now. Fruits are now in season, which means they taste good and are ready for picking. Overall this year has been good with crops, livestock, and fruits; get your food now, it is ready for harvest. |
Tomas de Torquemada: Behind the head of the Spanish inquisition.
By: Sir Jay Patel
Staff Writer Madrid- Tomas de Torquemada is one of the most powerful men is Spain. With a snap of his finger he can protect you or destroy you. Not a man for jokes Torquemada takes his job very seriously as inquisitor general for Spain. As the first person to inherit his job he plans to single handedly unite Spain under Catholic faith. What is this ambitious and determined man like? We will soon find out; our reporters caught up with him at his office. Tomas was more than willing to give us an interview, and taught us many new things about the Spanish Inquisition and himself. Sir Jay Patel: It is well know that the pope has appointed you, why do you think he chose you? Tomas de Torquemada: I believe he chose me because I have many great qualities in a leader. I am hard working, determined and a no-nonsense kind of person. SJP: I can tell you are. Why do you feel that Spain must be united under the Catholic religion? TT:I believe that Jesus died for our sins and that we should honor him. Also, I believe the nation will be much more peaceful if everyone believes in the same fate. SJP: How do believe this will unite the nation? TT: It will because once people believe in the right religion, than no disputes will occur and everybody will have similar goals. SJP: Your claim seems reasonable but many people think that this harsh and forceful tactic may be counterproductive. TT: I will admit it is forceful, but if we give people an option than not many will say yes. The more will I impose on others the more likely it will be that the convert. SJP: Interesting, some people say that you are a little fanatical about Christianity, what do you have to say about that? TT: Well, to those people I would say, I am an extremely strong believer in Christ. He died for us and anyone who does not worship him is crazy. SJP: Fair enough, now many people think that killing people for not worshiping Christ is wrong. Many people believe in freedom of religion. Do you believe that your tactics are severe? TT: No, because we have made the consequences for practicing other religions well known and if people still decide to disobey the law then they deserve to be punished. SJP: I don’t believe you understand the question. I am asking about it from a moral standpoint. TT: Oh alright. Well, people can think what they want, but all I have to say is that I sleep fine at night knowing what I have done. SJP: Are you at all scared you may go mad with power? After all, you are the undisputed head of the inquisition. TT: Honestly, I have never thought about it before. I don’t think I will go mad with power, I am too responsible and busy to. SJP: Many have said that they would like to kill you. I’m not going to sugar coat it, you are not well liked among non Catholics. Do you ever fear for your life. TT: I have realized this, but I have not taken this position to be the most well liked person in Spain. I took this job to take care of business. And as with anything I can’t live life in fear. |