CLERMONT, FRANCE Yesterday, the crusaders returned after successfully driving the infidels out of the holy city of Jerusalem.
After the long wait, and a seven month siege, Antioch and Jerusalem have been freed from the Muslims who had dared to oppose the Catholic faith and deny the rightful owners of our sacred land access.
In 1076, Alexius I of Constantinople called upon Pope Urban II to start the magnificent crusade, led by various respected knights of varying countries. Currently, these leaders are causing tension as the various groups of the crusade have claiming untruths about their prowess in the attacks, and the opposing groups then deny it and fire off more lies. The tensions have not, as of yesterday, broken out in any physical violence, but the probability is high that a fight will ensue sooner or later. As of yet, though, nothing has happened.
“It was us, the knights of Italy, who led the charge at the siege of Antioch and brought victory upon the holy union of the crusaders,” said Bohemend of Taranto, which was contrary to Robert Curthose and his relatives’ claims. “Our foes never stood a chance against the might of England. Of course, we had the others with as back-up, and they helped a little,” they stated upon their arrival.
Hugh I, the Count of Vermandois, feels that neutrality is the best course of action, and he abstains any time a heated debate breaks out. The other nobles have been quite angry at Hugh, as they have all taken sides and view his neutrality as cowardice. The pope has not spoken on the matter, for he was not present during the battles. However,he insists that God only brings victory on those who are righteous, so a tournament is to be held in two moons to decide the rightful victor.
Magna Carta Signed
By: Sir Noah Dolinko England - One moon ago, King John signed
the Magna Carta in his castle, allowing us to have more freedom. Magna Carta is a document forced upon the king by the feudal barons; the point was to limit his powers by law and protect our rights. We The Magna Carta forced the document upon him so that he wouldn't have as much power over us. In central England, near the Windsor castle, King john signed the Magna Carta. King John says “this is pointless and there is no reason for this.” If the document wasn't needed then he wouldn’t have been forced to sign it. We did not want any king to abuse his power. The barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta because they did not trust King John’s oral promises. Hopefully, we will not need to address this matter again but we need King John to uphold his promises as King. I do not believe that the Knights will be able to deal with this monstrosity any more after the King has signed this document. The days before the Magna Carta was signed, Knights, and Squires we gathering in front of the Windsor castle. Some Knights were even revolting against the King and were killed by spear or burnt for treason. Other knights were fighting back along with the guards to keep the castle walls safe. Once King John went to address the people outside the castle, he realized what he was doing to our kingdom and was willing to sign it. Although, before he revealed that he was willing to sign it, a group of Knights grabbed him and took him hostage until he signed the document. However, he told the Knights that he was planning to sign it on his own free will and they released him. This morning however, King John burned the knights for treason; outraged townspeople flooded the courtyard until John told them that he signed the Magna Carta
A Brief Intro to Pepin the Short
Ladies and gentlemen, today I am here to ask and answer 2 simple questions, who was Pepin the Short, and was he really that short?
Pepin the short was a famous and influential king of the Franks, he conquered many cities and was very influential in the church. He is arguably most famous for expanding the frankish realm and being father to Charlemagne. Here we see a map of Pepin’s conquests. The map is focused on the area between gaul and what would become spain.
Now, Pepin the Short is long dead, however we recently had the chance to catch up with self-proclaimed “Pepinatic” Robin Werts.
Q: We understand that you have dedicated your whole life to the study of Pepin the Short, but being only a serf, how have you been able to gain access to the historical records to do your research.
A: Well, many of my methods, shall we say... would most likely be frowned upon by most of society. But that’s beside the point. I have spent countless years scouring numerous books across the lands in my quest for sweet knowledge. I have Ventured from Rome to London in search of the truth
Q: Could you tell us one little known fact about Pepin the Short?
A: He wasn’t actually all that short. No exact evidence shows this, as records are a little fuzzy, but he was the father of Charlemagne, who was extraordinarily tall for his time, so he couldn’t have been too short. Q: Well, that wraps up our next question, so, onto the third. Could you give us a quick summary of the king’s conquests? A: Why yes, I’d be delighted to. As king, his first act of war was to drive the Lombard’s out of Rome. Afterwards, he continued to the south into Septimania, subduing that territory for himself. However, after this, he set his sights to the west, where the Duchy of Aquitaine lay. It was his intention to retake land that he believed had been taken from the Church. He would then lay waste to much of Aquitaine before achieving their submission.
Q: Thank you. Now how did all these conquests come to an end?
A: Well, shortly after acquiring Aquitaine, he died of unknown causes at the age of 54 and was buried. His kingdom was then divided between his two sons, Charlemagne and Carloman. Thank you for your time.
No One Expects The Spanish Inquisition!
By: Sir Jay Patel
Staff Writer
Madrid- Tomas De Torquemada was appointed to the inquisitor General for Spain yesterday, by the Pope himself in the heart of Madrid, Spain. The pope has chosen Tomas to purify Spain and thinks he is best for the job.
After the Pope allowed the purification of Spain is 1478, no one has really been ahead of the movement driving it forward. Like a knight without his horse, he could not go anywhere.
“This is just what we need to unite Spain,” say Tomas de Torquemada. “My responsibility is to create the inquisitorial procedure and to to create branches in more cities. I believe that with me fronting this operation Spain can become a nation of Catholic Unity much faster.”
Torquemada has already created a procedure for interrogating the criminals; although much more violent than before he claims it will be much more effective.
“Because I know god may forgive them, I give them a chance to clear their consciences. After that I will imprison those who have not confessed to practicing another religion, because they deserve to be punished. Then, even though they don’t deserve it, I will give them a fair trial in which they can defend their case. If proven guilty they will be detained, because a heinous act like this cannot go without being punished.”
Tomas seems to be the best fit for this job, and takes his position very seriously. He believes Jesus wants him to unite Spain. “God has died for our sins and everybody should convert to the Catholic Religion to show their appreciation.
The Pope himself is excited. He said “I’ve known Tomas for a long time, and he is hard worker. If I know one thing for sure he will not stop until all of Spain is united in Catholic Religion under the guidance of Jesus.”
Tomas has even decided to implement a few torture devices, to make sure people are telling the truth.
He plans to use the Strappado, in which weights are tied to the criminals ankles and they are dropped many times to stretch the legs and arms.
He has also decided to implement waterboarding in which water was ingested almost to the point of drowning.
Also, he is planning to implement a fan favorite, the rack. This involves a person being tied to a board and having their legs stretched to the point of dislocation.
Tomas is also planning his do is first execution of 5 people on Monday and spectators are allowed.
He also urges you to come directly to his office if you suspect anybody practicing another religion besides Catholicism.